Trigger warning: sexual assault. After walking away from faith for 24 years, Jaimie shares how God patiently waited for her —welcoming her home with open arms. Read on to hear how she rediscovered faith, healing, and freedom in Jesus.
FAC: Tell us a little bit about yourself!
Jaimie: I was born and raised here in Calgary, and I’ve lived here most of my life. I did spend about six years in Newfoundland and lived in Banff for a bit, where my son was born. But Calgary has always been home. I’m a cabinet maker, building furniture for a living, which I love. I couldn’t ask for a better job!
FAC: Can you tell us about your faith journey growing up and what faith means to you
now?
Jaimie: I was born into a Church of England family. My parents moved to Canada from England and Wales in 1977. My dad was a Christmas-and-Easter Christian, but my mom was more devoted, and she and I went to church every Sunday. Around the time I was 12 or 13, we switched to an Anglican church where my parents had friends, and we did life together. I loved being in the youth group and eventually transitioned into teaching Sunday school when I was about 14 or 15. Our youth group was small—about 15 to 20 kids—but tight-knit, and we had a fantastic pastor. It was a really positive experience overall.
FAC: When did things start to change for you in your faith journey?
Jaimie: Unfortunately, my faith took a significant hit when I was 16. I was sexually assaulted, and it really shook me. My family was very supportive, and I went through counselling, but I struggled with how a loving God could allow something like that to happen to me. I was angry with God and turned to my youth pastor for spiritual counselling. But when I told them what had happened, I was removed from my teaching position and the youth group. They said I wouldn’t be forgiven by God until I admitted my sin in causing the assault.
FAC: I’m so sorry that happened to you. How did that affect your faith going forward?
Jaimie: It completely broke me. Hearing those words from someone I trusted spiritually made me feel like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I didn’t lose my faith in God entirely, but it definitely fuelled my anger. I walked out of that church and didn’t come back for 24 years.
FAC: So, for 24 years, did you block faith out of your life completely?
Jaimie: I did. I turned away from the church and got into New Age spiritualism, exploring things like astrology and earth-based spirituality. But there was always something missing. Nothing filled the void like my previous prayer life. I even explored Wicca, Eastern religions like Buddhism and Zen, but none of them fit for me.
FAC: Was there any legal consequence for the person who assaulted you?
Jaimie: Unfortunately, no. We pursued legal action, but it ended up being a “he said, she said” situation. The police were kind, but I didn’t want to keep reliving it over and over. For my mental health, I decided to drop it. It meant he got away with it, but that’s what I needed to do for myself.
FAC: How did your family handle all this?
Jaimie: My family was incredibly supportive, especially my mom. She was so faithful, so it was tough for her to step away from the church, too. My whole family stopped going to church after that incident, and most of them haven’t gone back. My mom joins FAC Online now but isn’t ready to attend in person.
FAC: Over those 24 years, did you ever feel any pull back towards faith?
Jaimie: Yes, but it came much later. When my son was about seven or eight, he started asking big questions about life and God. I tried to answer him without letting my own bitterness show. Eventually, he came up to me one day and said, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a Christian.” It caught me off guard because we hadn’t been talking about church for months, and he goes to a school that’s predominantly Muslim and Hindu. I wasn’t sure where he was getting this from. Around the same time, I met my partner, who is very faithful, and he asked me to go to church with him. One Sunday, it just felt like the right time. I was nervous and even joked to myself that I might burst into flames walking into a church after all those years. But I went, and… well, I didn’t burst into flames! It was actually the start of my return to faith.
FAC: So what has it been like for you as you’re coming back to this place, a different building, but the church as an organization, as a body, has caused you a lot of hurt. What’s it been like in the last year, even in those first few months, kind of adjusting and reconciling all that hurt?
Jaimie: For the first little while coming back in, every time I came back in the doors, I sort of caught my breath and had to go, “Right, no, we’re gonna do this, we’re gonna go in.” There was a little bit of anxiety about that at first. Getting used to the way we do worship here—it’s quite a bit different. I really like it; it’s really refreshing.
Although recently, I’ve come to the point where I do kind of miss some of the old hymns. When we hit some of them here in church, I get that hit of nostalgia without the hit of anxiety to go along with it. It’s always fun when we get to one I know from my childhood, and I can sing along without needing the lyrics. The very first time I heard Living Hope, I cried in church because I thought, “Oh, that sounds like my journey in there.” It’s been a bit of a bittersweet thing coming back to church. I wish I’d done it years ago, actually, but at the same time, I recognize I wasn’t ready to come back at that point.
FAC: What has God been doing in your heart? What’s He been kind of saying to you as you’ve been adjusting to all of this? Like just when you say that you can sing a hymn without it being hard to sing, like with it being sweet, that just says to me He’s healed you. So I’m curious, what has that healing been like for you?
Jaimie: Yeah, I don’t hear Him as much as I did when I was younger. So I feel like we’re still in that process of rebuilding the relationship. It’s getting easier to pray and be in that space. A couple of months ago, I decided that what I really needed to restart my faith journey was to be baptized. So, I did get baptized here at FAC! But I felt that I really needed to rededicate and commit to that again. So yeah, I’m still building the relationship. I’m currently doing a Bible study—we’re doing the whole Bible in a year!
FAC: You’ve had 24 years of searching and trying on different spiritual paths. Has there been any lingering influence from those experiences, like Wiccan or Eastern religions, that still impact the way you think? Or when you came back to faith, was it kind of like a reset on the relationship, where all that was washed away?
Jaimie: Within the first week of coming to church, I dismantled all the stuff from those spiritualities—like books and an altar I had set up in my house. I got rid of all of it because I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore. I got home from church and was like, “I don’t want this stuff in my house anymore.” It no longer fit with where I wanted my faith to be.
In those spiritualities, I was really trying to force some sort of connection. I just kept trying. It was like, “Okay, it didn’t work today, so maybe I’ll try again tomorrow, or at the next new moon, or the next full moon, and maybe this time it’ll work.” And it never did.
FAC: Whereas with Jesus, it’s like, “Just come delight in Me.”
Jaimie: Yeah, you sit down, and it’s like He says, “Welcome home, glad you’re here, let’s start over.” That was amazing. I got the impression that I would come back and God would be mad at me for leaving, but I very much got the sense of being welcomed back. He wasn’t mad I’d left; He was happy I’d come home. I definitely felt like the 1 sheep from the story of the 99 and the 1 sheep. He clearly sent my son to come get me.
FAC: That’s beautiful.
Jaimie: Absolutely. I think that’s a beautiful part of the journey, and hopefully an encouragement for others who are seeking. There is a God waiting for you with open arms when you’re ready. For me, that was the biggest thing—realizing He was waiting, and as soon as I came in, it was like, “Oh, finally, there she is.”
Also, I think one of the most beautiful parts of this has been watching my son. He’s 10 now, and just going into youth ministry at FAC. Watching him come out of Discoveryland and say, “Mom, did you ever hear the story about Daniel and the lions? What about Jonah and the whale?” It’s amazing going through that together.
FAC: If you could encourage the listeners, is there a word you’d like to share, whether it’s from your heart or something you feel God’s leading you to say?
Jaimie: Honestly, no matter where you are in the journey, it gets better. The things that happen when you’re younger, you carry them with you, but there’s a moment when that dark cloud finally lifts. It might take years, but you’ll get there, and it’s going to be beautiful when it happens.
FAC: Thank you for sharing your story, Jaimie!
This is a transcript adapted from Episode 19 of the “Can We Ask You This?” podcast, which offers a safe space for tough conversations, diving into life’s grey areas, and finding Jesus along the way. Tune in on your favourite podcast platform today.
You may be interested in …
- Does Jesus Still Heal? (May 2024)
- Leaving the Occult and Finding Healing in Jesus (April 2024)
- A God of Miracles (April 2023)
